library-mermaid:

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

(via chinup-chestout)

deathbypcy:

person: it was a little mistake! don’t beat yourself up about it

me:

(via laughcentre)

byrneing:

friend: how are you
me: 

(via laughcentre)

grinderman2:

me in high school: omg cant wait for college
me in college: omg cant wait for the 10 years between retirement and the cold embrace of the grave

(via laughcentre)

thexfiles:

Anxiety: look out
me: for what
Anxiety: look out

(via idontknowanymore98-deactivated2)